WRITING
I think I was initially so drawn to Stephanie Danler’s work because it finally felt like a woman was replacing John Green as Kenyon College’s most name-dropped author, so I quickly hopped on the Sweetbitter beat at Refinery29 when Starz was adapting it for TV. I then proceeded to get so drunk a the season one Tribeca Film Festival premiere party (in front of not just Stephanie Danler, but also Alison Roman #tbt) that I was convinced I could never work with her again because I had embarrassed myself too hard. If she remembers any of that, she was nice enough to not bring it up when we reconnected for her new memoir Stray.
Here is an excerpt we published from the book, which really is very good.
Here’s our interview about digging back into old memories and what it feels like to become a pop culture phenomenon.
And here’s where you can buy it!
PODCAST
If you haven’t listened to my conversation with Vogue’s Emma Specter about Alison Roman and LiveJournal, please walk this way. On Monday’s upcoming episode I’ll be unpacking the Call Her Daddy drama and chatting with Vox internet culture reporter Rebecca Jennings.
QUARANTINE
I keep rereading one of my last journal entries before the pandemic, written on February 17:
“These are the nights I’m convinced I’m slowly killing myself due to the life I’ve chosen. I’m in an industry with no clear future that’s volatile enough to present a new crisis every day. I carry a heavy backpack and cram myself into subway cars and alternate between staring at three different screens. I’m so exhausted when I get home and burned a plastic tray in the oven and filled the apartment with fumes. Then I ate the enchiladas off the melted plastic. I woke up at 4 a.m. today and took a car to a plane to a shuttle to NJ Transit to the PATH to a full day of work. On the way, a tourist from Georgia told me New York was no pace to raise a family. Normally I’d roll my eyes at something like that but now I don’t even think it’s a place to raise me.”
My sentiments were clearly exacerbated by extreme sleep deprivation, but even on regular days in my pre-quarantine life, I would always feel exhausted, be stretched too thin, and constantly running late. I would tell myself I’d feel better after a good night’s sleep, or after the weather got warmer, or after I moved to a new apartment. I kept moving the goal post, and then everything stopped.
A worldwide pandemic is obviously not what I meant when I asked for a change of pace. I went into quarantine kicking and screaming and crying over FaceTime, hoping that two weeks later things would bounce back to being exactly the same. Now I realize there was so much wrong with pre-pandemic life, both personally and structurally in society, that it would be better for everyone if we used this as an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and build something new. Life is going to be slower for me for at least the remainder of 2020 because I don’t anticipate being back in the Refinery29 office until next year (this is just a guess) (I don’t know anything). I’ll be back in New York in a little over a week, moving to a new apartment, and truly starting fresh in a way that I actually think will be a lot better for my mental health.
There’s a quote from the book One Day by David Nicholls, of all things, that has stuck with me since I was a teenager. I for sure reblogged it on Tumblr, and I’ve been thinking a lot about it now:
“‘What are you going to do with your life?’ In one way or another it seemed that people had been asking her this forever; teachers, her parents, friends at three in the morning, but the question had never seemed this pressing and still she was no nearer an answer... ‘Live each day as if it's your last', that was the conventional advice, but really, who had the energy for that? What if it rained or you felt a bit glandy? It just wasn't practical. Better by far to be good and courageous and bold and to make a difference. Not change the world exactly, but the bit around you. Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. Experience new things. Love and be loved, if you ever get the chance.”
That one line has been helping me figure out how to be useful during this crisis. I’ve been delivering groceries and gift cards with Fishtown Neighbors Association for the past few weeks, and I’ll be doing the same with Bed-Stuy Strong when I move. There’s so much I can’t control, but I can change the bit around me.